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:: Tuesday, February 23, 2010 ::

rainy sunday

love this view. different angles of it mean i'm at rest, at work, at practice...this particular view meant i was laid up on a lazy sunday with two snuggle pups and a stack of vapid magazines, just watching the light change the colors in our trees.

the view's nothing stupendous compared to the fab stuff we get around here (gotta love the bay). but it's becoming something akin to home, to sanctuary. i keep having to remind myself that it's just a place and like all things, temporary. but i do love it.

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey, random

:: ewee 2:31:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Skvetching
During a bachelor weekend in July, I found that, left to my own devices, I'm not all that different than when sy's in town. More and more, my favorite thing is to spend a lazy weekend on our deck, moving from shady spot to shady spot. Occasionally I pepper this sloth-like movement with reading, drawing, writing, and eating. Meanwhile, Kehoe loves to bake herself silly in the sun, and Toki follows a rigorous regimen of puppy calisthenics--wielding her toy-cum-nunchuks with manic glee. (The rest of the aimless doodles on the page are from eatins, drinkins, and socializins around that time, and the three graphics are just recent bits for pcw.com...)

Been feeling an extra helping of anxiety lately. Not sure of the exact cause, my level of busy-ness has stayed somewhat stable, and my level of puttering on projects has been fairly consistent (tho regretably, I'm not spending enough time on my paintings--but I always feel that way, regardless of how much painting time I get in).

But I'm finding myself more engaged. Caring more, if you will. Not coasting (which is so easy to do). But really giving a holy flying donut about what I'm working on, and will-they-like-it, will-it-work, please-please-let-it-not-suck...that kinda thing. It makes every step--especially the first one--fraught with tension, fear, and, yes, anxiety.

So I'm finding myself reading more, and thinking more about the process (for me, the act of making stuffs that doesn't suck is interrelated--be it a website, a painting, or a blog post). Today, I came across a couple more tidbits:

"If your old work doesn’t shame you, you’re not growing."

*and*

"Write when inspired; rest when tired.

Only you and a few of your designer friends will recognize the sloppy, ill-considered bits that make your work good when it could have been great. Of course, your designer friends will think less of you, and you’ll cringe every time you see the site, but if you don’t have a taste for masochism, you shouldn’t be in design, because the hurt will kill you."

Labels: bay area, doodle, drawings, illustrations, oaktown, one-a-day

:: ewee 1:33:00 PM [+] :: 3 comments ::
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creature of habit
Turns out that most nights i generally sit in the same seat on the bus home. Partly cuz in the back, it's more likely tha i won't hafta share. And i like the view of sf, alcatraz, and the ggb. But considering how much time i spend looking at my phone (got tetris?) I gotta admit the obvious: aino good wit change.

tomorrow, i'm wearing all black. ok, not all black, and i wear black all the time. but it's the end of an era, y'all.

Labels: bay area, change, commute, heartbreak, pizzawhirled

:: ewee 5:07:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Inadvertent tour de bay


It's the inadvertent tour de bay. I've a bad habit of hopping onto the wrong bart train and ending up all over the place. (And yep, i'm sober. It's more a case of inattentiveness than inebriation)

luckily, my only pressing concern is getting my shoes off as soon as i can.

there's a metaphor in all this somewhere.

Labels: bay area

:: ewee 7:47:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Oops :)
New haircut, stuck in richmond (took the wrong bart)

and i swear that this haircut has me getting the attention (nothing big, just looks) of young straight chicks. which is so *not* hawt. but kinda funny (we're talking super young--like half my age young--and also super straight). guess i'm not bad for a 12yo geeky boy (and no, i'm not twice 12, it just sounds funnier that way).

Labels: bay area

:: ewee 6:28:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Summertime


Gorgeous day in the bay. It's "tour de gay" and we're in shorts and no socks, so i'm happy.

Labels: bay area

:: ewee 5:40:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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oaktown!
 

my new hat...!

belly palace is somewhere on the second photo, and our old jlo lofty is around the edge on the first photo. been a little spendy the last coupla days, after being good all year (paying down debts...boring). but this one was a bit of an emo-purchase. it was a reaction to the cool sf giants version that had cortland right on the front--which made me even more wistful for my old stomping grounds, and brought up a bit of emotions about loss and love and change.

so...a little retail therapy in opting for the oaktown hat. here's to looking forward, and to using the stimulus to heal what ails ya! (or at least to distract you...) :-)

Labels: bay area, belly palace, homey

:: ewee 8:17:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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commute


my second cellphone vid (here's my first cellvid). that's right: shot, edited, and compiled with a soundtrack and titles all on my phone. fun and nonsense for your viewing pleasure.

(this time, the excellent song is by fat freddie's drop. and again, i hope they don't mind us using it. if we make any money, we'll totally slide ya a nice cut of it, ok??? but meantime, it's all for love.)

Labels: bay area, public transit, video

:: ewee 12:49:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Commute


Bus ride home. I kinda like it sideways--looks a bit sci-fi.

Labels: bay area, photos, public transit

:: ewee 5:44:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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East Bay!


It'll be good when this construction is done. Meantime, i'm looking forward to summer in Oaktown.

Labels: bay area, photos

:: ewee 5:41:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Free Lunch


Free lunch at the West Span 'opening' (it's not really open till Jan 09 or so)

Labels: bay area, bay bridge, commute, photos

:: ewee 5:38:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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nosy garden


lovely day, parts 3.1 and 3.2: the sweet smell of this jasmine comes right into my little sunroom. the irises have exploded and my little pot of scallions are growing like haywire!

[oops. speaking of haywire, flickr's freaking out. i'm gonna go get a bit of a snackin, and see if that doesn't make everything better...yep. snack fixed everything. love when that works. might've been the restart too, but the snack was good.]

my little sunroom has become a hodgepodge of art supplies and delightful chaos. i've been neglecting all else to paint. something that i should've done sooner in my life. but now is better than not at all. the combination of this little sunroom (with its view of the yard) and just making the time (and priority) has made all the difference. i've decided i don't care so much what i paint (or how non-brilliant it might be), as long as i do paint. so i'm letting myself wax sentimental in my paintings ("what a girl!") and also letting myself be as spastic and random and anxious as i want. it's all a bit of a mess, but it feels right. so on the hurdygurdy art machine goes. who knows what it'll churn out next.

Labels: bay area, belly palace, garden, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 5:33:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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painting chaos, dining room style


lovely day, part 2.2: more painting nonsense...couple paintings in progress. (and there's more where these come from too! but the ones on my easel are even earlier than these, so you'll have to just wait and see...) this is our dining room table. other than the carrot-tops i've planted (just curious to see what'll happen), the container of nuts (you are what you eat), and the bottle of wine (neglected, and now only sufficiently good for cooking), this table doesn't get much dining action. guess that's one good thing about eating in front of the tv. and thankfully miz sy is pretty forgiving about my crap out and about (unlike me. poor miz sy...)

Labels: art, bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey, oil painting

:: ewee 5:24:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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sleepy dogs


part one of lovely day off: tired dogs (after a lovely ramble through redwoods). they've been unwillingly hosed off, and are mostly dry, and mostly clean, so i'm loathe to kick them off the bed (there's also no more sun on the deck, and i can't have my dogs sleeping outside in the cold shade or on our cold hardwood floors, can i??--oh, well, i guess they have their own beds. and the guest bed...)

Labels: bay area, belly palace, dogdogdog, dogs, go stay come, homey, kehoe, toki

:: ewee 5:06:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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on weeding and sisyphus...
Today, I weeded half the backyard, swept up trimmings from a previous weekend's work, and picked up poop (yeech). Last weekend, sy and I tackled the side bit along our neighbor's driveway. I didn't realize it's ours, so we really let that bit get bad (lucky for us, we have great neighbors).

It's interesting how quickly our yard ties us into the seasons. When we first moved in, it was all about leaves. It never occurred to me that the leaves would ever end. Nearly every week, I'd sweep enough to fill our green bin. And the next week, there'd be more.

Now, things are growing. My astonishment only goes to show what a city kid I really am. We have an unassuming tiny little daphne in the front yard. I didn't think much of it till its fragrance stopped me in my tracks one night. Foolishly in love, I gave her (and her twin in the back) an offering of cement bits (kg claims it's what makes them happy).

So there's no more leaves, but the weeds. OMG. First of all, I wasn't really clear what things were weeds. So I erred on the side of caution, and didn't remove much without sy's approval. Now we're filling the green bin with weeds (not every week, but just because it takes much more work than sweeping leaves).

Most of all, I love the temporary order that yard work brings. Whether its weeds or leaves, I spend a coupla hours, and get a nice crisp clean outdoorsy productive feeling. Surprisingly, I'm not upset by the Sisyphean nature of the tasks. The disorder can trouble me. But I don't need to "win"--if anything I'm acutely aware that the leaves and weeds will always win. My job is to more or less maintain a rough state of equilibrium.

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 3:35:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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flowers from our yard

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 12:09:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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white elephant find

my new desk, thanks to the fab white elephant sale. i still haven't figured out how i want to configure my lil room, but i was able to adjust it, and i think i've found a good height to work with. course now i gotta get my room organized.

the sale was as overwhelming as i'd expected, but didn't have as nice furniture as i'd hoped. still, there was great ephermera and other assorted goods to gander at. we scored a coupla deck chairs (sy's is plastic with a bright comfy cushion, mine is wooden, light and simple, and at the right height for dog petting), and such. but the real treasures are: a letter and envelope from 1916, a usgs map of our hood, and a "Passport to Pleasure" travel booklet (really, it's a travel itinerary that includes Taiwan and Korea). hoping to have a little collage action this weekend...

Labels: bay area, belly palace, desk, go stay come, homey, random

:: ewee 5:47:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Meyer lemons!


Turns out we've gotta little meyer lemon tree out back. We'd never've known but for the lemons that sprung up recently. Oh. That, and the sign on the tree. Ah novice homeys. (Yep. I'm still taking it all in.)

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 8:52:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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grounded foundation
after a bit of foundering, our foundation is finally repaired.

this was the source of quite a bit of all-encompassing stress from the very beginning. my folks were *very* anxious about us buying this home because of the foundation work. and, in the end, it took longer and cost more than we'd planned (ouch), and was not an insignificant source of stress on me and sy. but it's done, and after crawling around down there yesterday and today, i'm glad that we had the work done. while it's not a guarantee or anything, i do feel better knowing that we're taking steps to protect our home a bit.

of course, while i was down there, i did see some crazy brickwork (think jumble, more than work) at the base of our chimney. (i should take a photo, it's completely nuts! sigh. just add it to the list, i suppose.)

home owning has been a bit of an adventure. but considering that my early childhood was a bit nomadic, coming home has all sorts of implications and meaning. the little stuff -- sweeping up leaves (with my tiny broom...i really gotta spring for something better), chatting with neighbors, learning how retrofitting works, pulling the trash out (along my truck down our long narrow driveway), all that -- resonates with meaning. suddenly the mundane is meaningful. (perhaps this is what it means to be grounded...)

and it's still so very new and amazing to me. at night, when everyone is tucked in, i like to wander through our little 1238 square foot palace and touch the walls, look at the hallway lit by golden light, and just sit with the incredible freedom of finally coming home.

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 11:16:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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dreaming of lunch...
mebbe there's hope in my cheap-eats bereft work hood. will report when can.
...

update 12/3/07:


thanks to a cancelled lunch meeting, we got to go check out the roach coach of our dreams! food was cheap, plentiful enough (free egg rolls were a nice touch) and ok. not stupendous. but ok. definitely a nice change from our standard fare around here, but not for the picky folks out there, ok?

extra random slightly dorky bit, turns out that the owner (per website: Julia Yoon, BBQ Princess of Yoon, from the Province of Yummii) went to high school not far from where i went. small world. but not really. we are still in california, eh?

Labels: bay area, foodie

:: ewee 11:04:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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home wrestling
thanks to miz ky and nars, we got hooked up with a washer/dryer for the very pake price of FREE. well. almost hooked up. but at that price, you can't really expect installation, eh? (not complaining, mind you, just setting you up for my shaggy dog story...)

first, getting the dang things. i love my stinky truck. i love it. despite the cap and the wheel wells, we were able to get both machines in my truck. meaning one trip to sf (sorry, we didn't return for dinner, but i was stuck on the couch with ice on my old, ailing back).

then the unconscious trip to home despot. (really, i unconsciously ended up there. no, i probably shouldn't have been driving, but sy can't drive stick.) so instead of going straight home, i ended up at home despot. and blamed sy for sleeping (if she'd been awake, we wouldn't have strayed! really!...i know, poor miz sy. she does put up with a lot)

after losing time in h.d. for awhile, we finally headed home, where we had to unload and move the machines into the house. luckily we have a fairly easy back door into the mudroom/laundry room. unfortunately, it was about half an inch too narrow for the machines. so we removed the door, and voila! machines in. well, not voila, but lucky that miz sy understood hinge mechanics and stopped me from taking apart the whole doorframe to get the door off (there's a coupla little pins that hold it all together! who knew?...not me, obviously). and then, voila, after quite a bit of lifting, wiggling, and one wrenched back (mine), machines were in.

and at last, after wrestling with the dryer vent tube thingie, and this and that kinda stuff, they were ready to plug and play. (sy took that opportunity to sagely remark, "maybe we should have tested them before moving them in." to which, i not-so-sagely responded "doh!")

which leaves us almost, but not-quite hooked up: a plug that doesn't match the outlet (but it's very very close), and a spillpipe thingie that's just a little too narrow and has a little bit of a crack (oops). so it's back to the hardware store, and more tinkering. so the suspense continues. but hey, it was free! (thanks ky and nars! we really appreciate it!)

couple extra things:

1. the dosage on the packets of ibuprofen are per pill, not per packet. that means i've had double what i thought i had...oops. and i can still feel the pain...double oops.
2. back pain is great for my posture. anytime i slump, it hurts!
3. ok, that wasn't much of a shaggy dog story. no punchline. but i do need chips...

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 2:09:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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Oil spillage
This from sf surfrider:
If people see oil in the water, they should call (985) 781-0804.
If people see oiled wildlife, they should call (877) 823-6926. The animals will be picked up and taken to a facility to be cared for.

Labels: bay area, heartbreak

:: ewee 8:27:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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belly palace
the movers are due in less than 8 hours, and i'm on the couch taking a geekin-out break. the dogs are snoring on the couch next to me, and sy's sneezing in the next room (also geekin-out, methinks).

tomorrow (today!) begins our life at belly palace (belle was a little too precious/disney/french for us). i can't wait, and at the same time, i can't believe this chaos will ever end. packing has exacerbated my control-freak issues (full-blown disorder, more like). and i'm unhappy to say that things are not in the state that i'd like them to be (listed, numbered, properly ordered and arranged...really, that's how i usually move!). and try as i might, i can't put it all on sy. i just didn't set aside enough time for this move. but the shiny lesson in the cloudy bit is that i just need to let go. and we're coming back to clean tomorrow, so we'll be ok.

tonight (last night, sorry, this is getting confusing. blame it on the...waitaminit, where'd i leave my coffee...?!?). hm...oh right. but so tonight, we stopped by the house and dropped off some stuff, checked the mail. brought in the trash. boring, right? nope. it made my night. we met our neighbor, her grandkids (happily squealing up and down the block), and best of all, her gorgeous lovey pitty, destiny.

and i'm much too tired to be coherent, much less bring this all together (i'll edit this later. promise). but there's something in there about belly palace, home, and destiny...

Labels: bay area, belly palace, change, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 1:27:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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kehoe offering


Kehoe offering from homey (she approves).

Labels: bay area, belly palace, dogdogdog, dogs, go stay come, homey, kehoe

:: ewee 10:17:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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fruits of our homey


the fruits of last weekend's visit...

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 10:08:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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homey sweet homey


we're in. this is what we got...

Labels: bay area, belly palace, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 3:47:00 PM [+] :: 2 comments ::
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lunchtime


I should take lunch more often...

Labels: bay area

:: ewee 2:52:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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heading to jlo square.


friday night--on bart, riding home from work, after a long week. i love this industrial view, and am soaking it up as much as i can...

Labels: bay area, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 7:05:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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whole and part
thinking on big change. on fear and love and commitment. on relationship(s). on love. on letting go, and trusting. on growth and changechange. change. and most of all, thinking about sweetness.

one's not half two. It's two are halves of one:
which halves reintegrating,shall occur
no death and any quantity;but than
all numerable mosts the actual more

minds ignorant of stern miraculous
this every truth-beware of heartless them
(given the scalpel,they dissect a kiss;
or,sold the reason,they undream a dream)

one is the song which fiends and angels sing:
all murdering lies by mortals told make two.
Let liars wilt,repaying life they're loaned;
we(by a gift called dying born)must grow

deep in dark least ourselves remembering
love only rides his year.
All lose,whole find
- e. e. cummings

Labels: bay area, change, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 1:58:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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want vs. fear


think good thoughts for us. i'm completely outta my depth here. but updates soon, so stay tooned.

Labels: bay area, go stay come, homey, want

:: ewee 4:20:00 PM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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stability junkie
[or, home as destabilizing force]

Been thinking on some things. Stay vs. Go. The usual change and adapting to it shtick...

Some people thrive on adrenalin, a friend calls it (with a gleam in his eye) evil chaos. And yes, I do need some evil chaos to remain content and engaged.

But let's be honest, I'm a stability junkie. Perhaps because I led a semi-nomadic lifestyle (unconsciously, and without any say in the matter--living in over 11 places before I was 8 years old), I find myself constantly wanting to put down roots (so much so that they exhibit in habitual tics--sitting in certain spots in chinatown, watching the flow of people; restaurants have the seats I'm accustomed to; driving becomes a set of unconscious patterns...). I love the feeling of knowing a place, of letting a place get under your skin. I thrive on the little details--the faint smell of a bakery as you whizz past, the sound of mahjohng from open second story windows in chinatown, the feel of the breeze off the bay--bringing with it the curse promise of fog. After I've lived in a place for awhile, when I close my eyes, the place still plays on the back of my eyelids. And what a place this is. We live in a postcard. Not a perfect postcard, but a real one. On Tuesday night I looked up at the Golden Gate bridge (from just beneath it!). The sky still was warm from sunset. The bridge fading into sky, and all so painterly that it made my heart ache and break for the sheer impossible beauty of it. (If only I could capture an iota of that light, that color. Aaargh!)

And now, I'm looking for a home, the ultimate in putting down roots, right? But it's actually the most destabilizing thing we've ever done. It tears down all sorts of vulnerable bits inside you--home, money, family, work, stability, risk. It's all a crazy jumble. In some ways its so loaded, how can we succeed? Better to view it as a business opportunity. But if it's so loaded, how to treat it as business? And every morning, I wake up to a panic attack--how is it that we're embarking on this huge step, with so much unknown, and so much unsaid? And at the end of the day, when I'm finally too tired and I've stopped rushing around, I can't sleep for the thoughts banging around in my head.

Whatever else it is, it's definitely not zen.

Labels: bay area, change, go stay come, homey

:: ewee 10:58:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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homey-oh-my-oh
so i made a not-very-serious, not-promise (statement of intent?) that i'd be a homeowner by age 40. i'm neither yet (phew). but have started some of the legwork, and am finding myself boggled and overwhelmed, but also exhilarated at the prospect.

we had a little meeting with a broker (whoa) and it was very illuminating. turns out that i don't have to live in a falling-down-shack, but i probably won't be returning to ess-eff to stay. but heyyyy, it's a big dang bay, and i'm really grooving on the shorts during summertime thing. so it's not sucha bad trade-off. funny thing was, the broker was asking us questions like how long we thought we'd be in a place and so on, and to paraphrase hacker, if i can afford anything in the bay, i'm thinking you'll hafta bury me in it!

in the meantime, as with all impending change, the existing sitch becomes all the more dear. so i'm finding myself wandering through chinatown, the warehouses, and the waterfront, trying to get my fill of what i'll soon have to give up. guess appreciation's always a good thing, even when it's a bit premature.

Labels: bay area, change, go stay come, homey, want

:: ewee 10:00:00 AM [+] :: 0 comments ::
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maze meltdown
well, most of you have heard about our messy fwy collapse over the weekend. i'm still amazed (and relieved) that no one other than the driver was injured--i had at least one friend coming home over that overpass that night at about 2:30am--so i'm still a bit stunned. glad that the ferry was free, and today's commute was mostly uneventful (paid for a cuppa coffee to make up for my free ride this morning), but we'll see how the freeway and transit systems hold up over the next few months.

[photos below from sfgate.com, check out the nwzchik blog for updates as well...]

Labels: bay area, news, traffic

:: ewee 10:55:00 AM [+] :: 1 comments ::
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